Hey There :)

What your about has some sensitive material, so if you get upset easily, this might not be for you.

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My journey to manhood started at the age of 12 when I tore my ACL for the first time. Growing up, sport was my life, 6 of the 7 days of the week I was doing some sort of physical activity, whether that was soccer, karate, oztag, dancing or cricket. Sport was my life and my identity. At such a young age, I didn't realise how much I relied on sport until it was taken away from me. My first mental health scare was in 2018 when my teacher told me I couldn't play with my friends because I just recently had knee surgery. I remember sitting on the silver seats, by myself, crying and feeling alone, a type of sadness I've never felt before until that moment. For the next 5 or so months, I completely lost my sense of self. I didn't want to wake up and go to school, I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to go to school. All I wanted to do was lay in bed all day doing nothing. I attened physiotherapy once a week in hopes that one day I would be able to play sport again, as I got closer and closer to being cleared for sport again I kept thinking to myself, "When I can play sport again I won't feel like this anymore". The closer and closer I got to being cleared I could start to feel the pieces of my old self being put back together, I was feeling stronger, I became motivated and I had a purpose and goal in mind. When I reached that goal I was over the moon, I felt this sense of euphoria, that I could do anything and that I was invincible. I started to realise that I could do anything I put my mind to and that no matter what was thrown at me I could overcome it. But when I got back to sport, I had this off feeling. These voices in my head that weren't here before kept telling me things. "What if it happens again", "What if I'm not good enough", "You're weak", "You're good days are over". These thoughts slowly started becoming my identity, this invisible cloud of anxiety followed my every step like a shadow. My dad was the one to help me realise that I wasn't my thoughts, that I wasn't my feelings or emotions. He said to me, "A person's thoughts and feelings don't define who they are, it's their actions and doings that make them who they are". From that moment I started to see life differently. At only 12 years old I felt like I had the mindset of an adult. My smile was coming back, my laughter was getting louder. The sun shone brighter, the voices were silenced and the emotions floated away. I was me again. All until I tore my ACL again. Not only that but it was ruptured, as well as my meniscus being torn. I remember being carried off the field. The thoughts flooded in and the cloud appeared out of nowhere. I was sitting on the sideline alone with my thoughts and emotions, although this time the thoughts were louder and the emotions were stronger. I went into highschool a weak and broken young man, with no future in sight. As I started to feel my confidence come back, my real smile was starting to shine through, my laugh was more than just a giggle, COVID hit and all my progress was shot down. I was forced into my room, alone with my thoughts and feelings, and they were at a level I couldn't handle. Pessimistic, angry at the world, victimising myself all day everyday. My days started to blend together because I couldn't sleep. I never felt this low before. My motivation was at an all time low and I felt I had no purpose, until one morning I picked up a basketball and I was just messing around being silly and I cracked a smile, I realised that this was my new purpose. Since it was COVID I had nothing to do, (besides school work but there's no way I'm doing that poo), I played all day. I played until my feet started to burn. COVID lockdown ended and I got okay at basketball, we're back at school, everything is going back to normal again yet I don't feel like my old self. Over the next year or two I slowly decline into my deepest depression yet. It's 2023 nearly the end of Year 11 and I start to hear these voices and a large amount of overwhelming thoughts that flood my brain telling me to do things I knew were wrong. This made me spiral and made me feel like a psychopath. I reached out to my GP and she suggested I stay 3 weeks at a mental health facility called The Hills Clinic. Long story short I spent my time there and I learned a lot about myself, got on the right medication, gained a new perspective and ready to live life again. Flash forward a month or two and I'm back into that deep depression. School drove me to a place where I couldn't breathe or think clearly. So I went back to The Hills Clinic, but this time was 4 weeks. I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). After my stays at The Hills Clinic, I gained a new form of gratitude and a new way to look at life. The stories I was told helped me realise that I have everything I need in life, a house, a family, food, water, opportunities. I learnt to live my life with happiness and curiosity. I learnt to not let other peoples words and actions affect me. I learned to live with the mindset - Everything happens for a reason. Bad things that happen to me are just lessons and are there for me to grow and build me up. I learnt to live life without regret. Ever since then I've been the happiest and healthiest version of myself. If I were to igve one piece of advice to my younger self it would be to not worry about what other people say or think. You're the main character of your story, don't let them write it for you. Looking back at my teenage years the one thing I took out of it was to do what you love, do it well and do it with a smile. If you told my 15 year old self that I was still be living on this earth, but not just living, living happily, I wouldn't believe you. I'm now going to sleep excited for the next day and waking up with a smile on my face ready to face new challenges, become who I'm meant to be and let life happen. I realised I had nothing to worry about, because everything that happens is supposed to happen. The obstacles I've had to overcome are not to be overlooked. They're there to inspire you and show you that whatever is happening to you right now, no matter how challenging, you can overcome, you will overcome it. You will learn incredibly valuable life lessons, and discover things about yourself that will help shape you into the person you want to be. And that's why I started Journey to Manhood. I wanted to reach out to all the young men who are suffering right now and not wanting to wake up tomorrow. I am living proof that no matter what gets thrown at you, you can overcome it. I plan to expand more into this as my following grows. I want to share my experiences with people in hopes that they are inspired. If you need anyone to talk to, please message me on IG I'm always happy to talk, it doesn't matter what it is, I'm always up for a chat. So that's all from me, I hope you enjoyed and learned something.

All the best on your adventure

Enjoy your Journey

Love from Journey To Manhood

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